During D-Day, Cyrus told me that he wanted to give me time to cope with the new information. He promised me that for that reason, he would not under any circumstances have any exposure to pornography before January 1st. D-Day was in September.
I really believed that we were dealing with pornography addiction only as part of our past. I believed that telling me meant that he was ready to put it entirely behind him. I was positive that he would keep his promise to me about January 1st. I was sure that if he could go those several months until January, then he wouldn't go back to it at all. Why would he?
I really did believe that my husband would never again look at porn after the day he told me that he had a problem. I was very wrong. But I'm glad that I initially believed what I did. Grieving the past was very overwhelming. It feels like I would have crumbled had I known that years later, his addiction would still be a big part of our lives. Cyrus has been sober for over a year, for the first time ever, and it has been more than 8 years since D-Day. We're doing well, and we have come so far, but I didn't know that it would take this much time and effort.
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