I've been using the CynthiaSleepy pseudonym for several years now as my anonymous handle for issues relating to my husband's pornography addiction. It seemed as good a name as any, and at the time I created it, I was perpetually sleep deprived thanks to my several young children. They are a little older now and I'm not as sleepy as I was.
But I'm still married to a man that is still addicted to pornography. Recovery is the name of the game here in the Sleepy household, though our kids don't know it. My husband has been a member of Sexaholics Anonymous for several years now, and I have been a member of S-Anon for not quite as many years. These 12 step programs are saving us and our marriage. Through SA, my husband (lets call him Cyrus) has found the first tools that have ever worked in helping him live without acting out in his addiction. He recently received his first-ever 1 year of sobriety chip.
S-Anon provides me with two invaluable resources. First, the fellowship and support of women who get it. Second, the tools I can use to make healthy and happy decisions about my life. I am finding serenity and confidence as I work the steps.
I have never understood the appeal of blogging about such personal issues, until I recently started reading two wonderful blogs on the topic of betrayal by a spouse: My Name is Jacy and eatmyscabs. In seeing their honesty, realism and hope, I have realized that I have lots of ideas and thoughts about what I have been through. Writing down what I think has provided me so much clarity as I have made choices in my addiction-affected marriage, and I'm ready to put some of my thoughts out there into internetland.
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